


your eyes look like coming home

by falloutgirl



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, M/M, lots of blow jobs, sad!harry, sad!liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:48:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falloutgirl/pseuds/falloutgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Harry,” Liam says, feigning confidence. “Can I. . .please blow you?”</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Where Liam wants to learn how to give blow jobs and gets Harry's help but then feelings and other things get in the way</p>
            </blockquote>





	your eyes look like coming home

**Author's Note:**

> i just really like the idea of liam on his knees for harry (because sub!liam is quickly becoming one of my favorite things) *runs and hides*

**Your Eyes Look Like Coming Home**

Liam flings himself onto the couch next to Harry and curls up into his side.

“You’re very warm,” He speaks softly into Harry’s ear.

It’s not that weird that Liam wants a cuddle – okay maybe a little bit – but Harry’s getting used to the fact that Liam has decided to be more touchy feely with him and that’s okay, really. If Harry has to spend the next however long Liam wants to cuddle next to his body thinking about old ladies in their panties then he’ll do that. He’ll do anything really to make sure Liam keeps wanting to cuddle and wanting to touch him.

Liam scoots closer to Harry and wraps an arm around his shoulders, leaning his head on Harry’s chest. Harry’s got his legs stretched out across the other half of the couch and leans into Liam’s touch. It’s very nice.

They stay like for a little while and Harry can hear Liam’s breathing and thinks he’s gone to sleep. He attempts to move out of the way and let Li lie down, but a pair of arms hold tighter as a voice says, “Don’t leave.”

And Harry really, really, can’t say no.

They lie side by side on the big couch, Harry spooning Liam from behind and he’s got his arms at his sides until Liam reaches back and pulls one to cover his chest.

“Thanks, Hazza,” Liam mumbles and Harry thinks this time he actually might be going to sleep.

-

Harry tries not to think about the sudden affection Liam starts giving him – because it’s nothing. Just – Liam finally coming out of his shell and welcoming every little brush of skin with open arms. He tries not to remember how it felt wrapping his arms around Liam and how, even though proportional wise, Liam is bigger, when they cuddled on the couch he just felt so. . .small.

“Hey, Harry,” Liam says during one of those lazy days where they spend the whole weekend cooped up in one of the boys’ hotel rooms and just sleep.

“Yeah?” Harry responds, eyes fixated on the TV.

“Have you ever given a blow job before?”

Harry turns his head quick enough to snap his neck and stares at Liam, eyes bugging out of their sockets. “Wha - ?” is really all he can say.

“Um, ” Liam clears his throat and Harry can see the faint blush across his cheeks, “have you ever given someone a blow job?”

“Yes,” Harry says cause there’s really no point in lying, “I had a once off with a bloke after one of our shows back in LA.”

“Oh,” Is all Liam says in response.

Harry gets this nagging feeling that prompts him to ask, “Why were you asking?” It comes out a little more sharper than he intended but Liam asking about blow jobs has really put him off his rocker.

Liam blushes again before stuttering, “No – I – I didn’t mean anything bad I was just. Curious.”

Harry just mutters an ‘oh’ and the subject is dropped.

-

The thing is – Harry can’t stop thinking about Liam asking about blow jobs, how Liam would look, lips spread thin over his own cock as he took Harry in deep and those images are doing more harm than good for Harry.

He’s never really associated Liam and sex, Liam likes to keep his private things private and that’s something Harry learned early on to respect. But now Liam giving him head is the only thing crossing through his mind and Harry spends an awful amount of time each day trying to think of anything but that.

Liam seems to keep a distance now as well, isn’t as touchy feely as he was before and Harry thinks he’s gone and maybe offended Liam, or worse, made Liam think he’s mad at him which isn’t the case. Harry’s just suddenly a little nervous around him, is all.

“Hey, Liam.” Harry says after a week of avoiding each other. Liam doesn’t meet his gaze but he does stop what he’s doing which lets Harry know he’s listening. “I’m sorry if I came off as mad before – I wasn’t – I mean, I’m not mad, you can ask me for anything, really, Liam. I’m sorry it sounded that way.”

Harry looks down and doesn’t want to meet Liam’s eyes – until he feels arms wrapping around his shoulders and can smell Liam’s cologne. “I’m sorry too, Haz. I should have been more tactful – I just. I’m sorry.”

Liam steps back but leaves his hand on Harry’s shoulder. He can feel the heat through his shirt.

The awkwardness has somewhat abated and it feels like everything’s back to normal – except. Sometimes Harry catches Liam staring at him and if it were before then maybe he wouldn’t have been bothered by it but now that Harry is so aware of Liam, it’s kind of freaking him out.

When he catches Liam looking he pretends not to notice, pretends he doesn’t feel Liam’s stare boring into his back. Harry’s trying to play it off, but Liam’s making things awkward and he isn’t really sure why.

Until he does.

They’ve got the night off and Louis, Zayn, and Niall have gone off to a club when Harry gets a knock on his door. He opens it up to a red faced Liam, playing with the strings on his basketball shorts and trying to look anywhere but Harry’s eyes.

“Is there something wrong, Li?” Harry asks as he steps away from the door and gestures Liam inside.

“You said I could come to you – ask you anything right?” Liam’s looking a little frantic now and it’s kind of putting Harry on edge.

“Of course, Liam.” Harry says.

Liam blurts the words out so fast that Harry almost misses them. “Can I give you a blow job?”

Harry goes wide-eyed. “W – what?”

Harry can see that it pains Liam to have to repeat himself but this is. . .something.

“Harry,” Liam says, feigning confidence. “Can I. . . _please_ blow you?”

“Uh…” is all Harry says back, head still stuck on the fact that Liam wants to go down on him, which is something he’s been fantasizing about for weeks.

“You – you said,” Liam starts and clears his throat. “You said you’ve done it before and – and I want to try. I was thinking maybe you would help me.”

“Of course, Liam, yeah. . .okay.” Harry hears himself say and he’s not entirely sure this is the right thing to do for their friendship but. But this is _Liam_ and Liam wants to go down on him, wants Harry’s cock in his mouth and there’s absolutely no way Harry’s going to even think of saying no.

Liam just stands there awkward with his hands at his sides and Harry grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him to the couch. Just the thought of Liam’s lips wrapped around his cock has already gotten Harry half-hard and it shows through the sweat pants he’s wearing. Harry sits down on the couch and spreads his legs apart, while Liam gets on his knees between them.

“Okay, Liam, uh. . .” Harry says and then stops, tries thinking of the proper way to show Liam how to give head, but before he can process the order of events, he can feel Liam’s hot breath through the fabric of his pants, making his cock twitch.

Harry doesn’t even try to suppress the moan.

Liam takes Harry’s sweats off easily, and leaves them wrapped around his thighs. There’s a moment where Harry’s now fully hard cock just stands there, untouched and Harry can tell Liam’s looking at him, avoids meeting Liam’s eyes because the sight alone might be a little too much.

“I read a little bit online,” Liam mumbles, eyes not leaving Harry’s dick. “But. . .how do I. . .?”

It takes Harry a full minute to register Liam’s words, too busy forcing himself not to come from the sight of Liam on his knees alone.

“Licking always works,” Harry says, and he can hear how deep his voice is already and Liam hasn’t even started yet.

“Yeah, okay,” Harry hears in response before he feels a warm tongue press against the underside of his cock. He bites his lip to hold in the moan as Liam licks another stripe up his dick, swirling his tongue on the tip.

Harry looks down just in time to see Liam take the head of his cock in his mouth. He can feel the warm heat of Liam’s mouth, can feel Liam’s tongue still licking up the underside.

“Suck, Liam, Suck,” Harry says, voice cracking.

This seems to get Liam in gear and he starts taking more of Harry into his mouth, wrapping his fingers around the part that he can’t fit. He starts slowly, just a simple back and forth motion, trying to get into a rhythm. Liam’s lips are stretched thin around Harry’s dick and Harry watches in utter fascination as Liam gives his first blow job.

Harry moans out loud, trying to encourage Liam to keep going. “Don’t focus too much, Li. Just. . .feel it. Change it up a bit too.”

 Liam shifts his body closer to Harry’s. He looks down and watches as Liam hollows his cheeks and takes just that little bit more of him in, before he watches as Liam’s gag reflex comes in and he has to stop.

“It’s okay, Li. Keep going.”

Liam squares his shoulders and with more determination, continues to suck, pumping the base of Harry’s dick with his free hand. Harry can feel himself getting closer, the tightness in his stomach getting more.

“Off,” Harry says to Liam, pushing him gently on the shoulder. Liam removes his mouth, spit and pre come dripping out before Harry actually does come on the floor. His whole body relaxes and Harry thinks he’ll clean it up later, just wants to close his eyes now, but then he can hear Liam moving around and opens his eyes to see Liam cleaning up the mess. He’s hunched over on his knees trying to get the come out of the carpet.

“Liam, never mind, I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Harry,” Liam says, “Why wouldn’t you come in my mouth?” And that’s a sentence Harry thought he’d never hear from Liam’s mouth, so it takes him a few seconds to answer.

“It was your first time; I didn’t think you’d like it.”

“I was ready.” Liam mumbles under his breath.

“C’mon, Liam. Maybe next time.” And Harry tries to bite his tongue – take back the words because that sounds awfully presumptuous of him, to think that Liam’s going to want to blow him again.

Liam just looks at Harry for a long time from his spot on the floor, before saying, “Yeah, next time, Harry.”

Harry breathes a sigh of relief.

-

The next time comes when they’re on the tour bus, heading to their show in Los Angeles. Harry’s watching Louis and Zayn battle it out on fifa and Niall’s on the other seat playing guitar. Being back in America has been great, and all the fans are lovely, but now because they’re bigger this year than they were before, security’s tightening their grip on all of them.

Harry swings his legs up on the couch and end up knocking into Niall’s guitar, Niall giving him a half cross half amused look before continuing with his song. It’s been a couple weeks since Liam gave him head back at the hotel in London and Harry would be lying if he said he didn’t want more, but between starting their tour and having to prep for vocals there’s just been no time.

It’s an itch on Harry’s skin, the need to feel Liam’s mouth on him again, see Liam on his knees, practically gagging for it, just waiting for the next opportunity to get down and suck him off.

“Hey Harry,” it’s a deep, steady voice that can only belong to one person that’s got Harry turning his head to attention in all of three seconds.

“Yeah, Liam?” Harry responds trying to feign nonchalance. He’s really hoping this means what he thinks it means.

“I need your help with something, it won’t be too long.”

Harry glances over at the boys, sees that they’re still immersed in their games and music that he gets up and follows Liam to his bunk.

Harry stands near Liam just hovering, until he feels Liam push him down against the small bed. “Sorry it’s been too long,” Liam murmurs in Harry’s ear. “We’ve been so busy and I wanted to be better this time.”

“You’ll be fine, Liam,” Harry says reassuringly. He can already feel himself getting hard and this has to be some kind of record – Liam doesn’t even have to touch him to get him all riled up.

Harry runs his hands over Liam’s short hair, as Liam moves down Harry’s body. He unbuttons his jeans and gets them around his thighs, can feel Liam pull his cock out of his underwear and lick up the underside.

Liam is more determined this time around to do it right, takes his sweet time teasing the head of Harry’s cock, playing with his balls and sucking long and slow, making Harry squirm and moan before he’s reminded that the boys are still in the tour bus and he’ll have to shut up or _they’ll hear us._ Harry gasps loudly at a particularly long lick and forces himself to look down. Liam is working him into his mouth more, taking almost the whole of Harry’s cock in him.

Harry feels himself hit the back of Liam’s throat and has to bite his lips to suppress the groan. Liam moans around him and the vibrations do wonders, making Harry’s stomach tighten and stars almost visible.

When he comes it’s with a choked off groan, his voice too wrecked to say anything else. Liam swallows everything like a champion and Harry gives him big thumbs up before slowly nodding off from one of the best orgasms of his life.

Before he fully falls asleep, Harry thinks he can see the outline of Liam’s hard cock through his jeans as he gets off the bunk, but Harry thinks it’s just his imagination before he nods off.

-

It becomes a regular thing – or as regular as it can be when two best friends in the same band decide to exchange blow jobs, or rather where one volunteers to give them to the other. Harry and Liam have been doing this for a couple weeks now, already into the second leg of their American Tour and so far, none of the other boys have seemed to notice. Sometimes Harry will get the odd look from Louis when he just up and leaves to go with Liam and even Zayn and Niall sometimes comment on how they’ve grown to be closer together.

Harry just tells them all to sod off because this is something he isn’t ready to tell anyone about just yet.

They’re in the bathroom at one of the venues for their show and Liam’s sucking him off again, rushing a little because they have to leave to get back to the hotel soon, and Harry’s trying his best to keep up composure.

Liam’s gotten so much better at this over the last weeks that Harry might even say Liam does a better job at giving head then him. His fingers are deft as they travel across Harry’s hip bones, pressing into them every once in a while on a really good suck. Harry’s trembling from having to support himself against the wall, and comes with a shudder and what sounds like _‘Liam.’_

Liam swallows it all down, like always, and gets up off the ground, this is the first time they’ve done this where Harry hadn’t nodded off right after and it is actually kind of awkward. Harry watches as Liam licks at his lips – probably the excess come – and averts his eyes because he doesn’t think he’ll last another round. Harry stuffs himself back into his trousers and tries to fix his hair but it’s really no use.

Liam’s sort of freaking him out, he’s just been standing there, not saying anything and Harry’s kind of worried he’s upset Liam.

“Li, you good?” Harry asks.

“Yeah, Haz, ‘m fine.” Liam responds and his voice is _absolutely_ wrecked, more than usual and Harry’s hoping the others don’t notice because he’s not sure what he’ll do if someone asks Liam when his voice got so raspy.

“Let’s go, Haz,” Liam says as he walks to the door, “I think they’re all waiting.”

Harry nods his head and follows Liam out the door.

 

Harry’s lying in bed that night when he hears a knock. Thinking it’s Liam coming back again, Harry strips his clothes off to just his boxers, before he opens the door and sees it’s Louis.

“Oh. . .uh, hi, Lou.” Harry says a little awkwardly.

“Expecting someone else, Haz?” And Louis got that evil glint in his eye like he knows everything that’s going on in a situation.

“No! I was – I just. . .nothing.”

Louis smirks and sits down on Harry’s bed. There’s a beat of silence before he asks, “So, when were you planning on telling me that you and Liam are fucking?”

Harry’s eyes go wide. “No! We’re – no that’s not – Liam and I aren’t – we’re not fucking.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Sure, Haz. And the sky isn’t blue right?”

Harry sighs.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Harry? Hell, I didn’t even know Liam liked cock. When did that happen?”

That gets Harry to laugh a little. “It’s not what you think, Lou. It’s – he came to me one night months back and asked if he could blow me.”

“What?” Louis exclaims, mystified.

“Yup,” Harry says. “Just. Flat out asked if he could suck me off and – I said yes, of course. He said he wanted to ‘try it’ and he’s been doing it ever since.”

“Wait,” Louis says. “You two aren’t like _together_ together? Liam justs sucks you off and you do nothing in return?”

“That’s pretty much it.” Harry sighs as he falls back against the covers.

“And why does this upset you, Haz? I would’ve thought Liam sucking you off would be a good thing – we all know how smitten you were with him back in the X Factor days.”

“I just. I don’t know, Lou.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Don’t be a cunt, Harry. We both know why this bothers you. Because you want it to – “

“ – Be more. Yes I know.” Harry completes Louis’ statement. “I wanted to kiss him tonight Lou, so badly. After he got up off his knees, he licked his lips and I just wanted to grab his face and kiss his lips off. I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”

“Then tell him, Harry. I’m not sure what else to tell you to do. You’ll just have to let him know.”

“Okay,” is all Harry says in return.

-

Harry ignores Louis advice and doesn’t tell Liam. After Louis had left, Harry tried to go to sleep but it never really worked out, thoughts of Liam on his knees kept interrupting his rest and after thinking over it for quite a while, it wasn’t something Harry wanted to give up. He wasn’t ready for Liam to stop giving him blow jobs and holding him down to prevent him from squirming under his mouth or the one time where Liam bit marks into the inside parts of Harry’s thighs and made him scream.

Harry wasn’t ready for it to stop.

And it doesn’t so far – all is good, except for the knowing looks Louis gives him because Harry can just tell that Louis _knows_ he didn’t tell Liam, knows that Harry is just too much of a wimp when it comes to admitting feelings. Harry avoids alone time with Louis at all costs, isn’t really in the mood to be scolded at for what he’s doing.

It’s during a particularly great blow job that Harry asks Liam why he came to him that first night. It had been nagging Harry in the beginning, and was quickly moved to the back burner after the first one.

Liam moves his face off Harry’s cock with a sucking sound and Harry groans. They’re finally back in a hotel, Harry sitting on the couch and Liam between his legs.

Liam gets this shy look on his face, and meets Harry’s gaze before licking the underside of Harry’s cock and making him forget exactly what he his train of thought was.

-

Liam avoids the question at all costs, Harry’s taken to notice, will do something really spectacular during the middle of a blow job to avert Harry’s attention away from the fact that he doesn’t want to answer it, or will pin Harry down and start sucking him off until Harry’s spent and forgets. At first maybe it worked, Liam’s _so_ good at giving head now but. But – it still nags at Harry, that this has to be something really, really, important for Liam not to tell him, something that could probably break him. So he plays along when Liam tries to change the subject, feigns forgetfulness when Liam gives him the best orgasm of his life and tries not to notice the way that Liam seems relieved every time Harry forgets.

Harry’s starting to think it’s something really, really, bad until one day he asks Liam and Liam answers back.

“I just wanted to try it, is all.” Liam says and Harry just knows he’s not telling the entire truth but he doesn’t want to pressure Liam anymore – doesn’t want to make him upset and destroy the one thing he’s got that really keeps him happy.

Harry realizes that the fact that one of his band mates giving him head keeps him ridiculously happy and not the fact that he’s in an internationally famous band worries him only slightly.

“Okay, Liam.” Harry says and offers Liam a big smile.

It’s not returned.

-

The blow jobs start happening less frequently than before, and that doesn’t worry Harry too much. I mean, it’s the end of their tour soon and Liam practically all over the place busy, making sure everything is in top shape for their final ten shows in America. Harry’s seeing Liam less and less and it does bother him, enough to make him worry but not enough to consult Louis and drag him into this mess as well.

The thing is, ever since Liam _answered_ that question things have been a little off, and even Liam himself has been just that bit more on edge. They go from occurring once every other day (or twice in a row), to happening once a week and now to none at all. It’s been a week and Liam hasn’t done anything, hasn’t so much as even looked at Harry and Harry’s busy schedule doesn’t make him realize this until it’s much later and two in the morning, the nagging feeling that controls the hurt in his chest bubbling back up to the surface.

Harry finds himself knocking on Louis’ door, dressed only in pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt.

“Harry, it’s 2am,” Louis says as he opens the door and lets him in. “What happened?”

“I think Liam hates me,” Harry blurts out. “He hasn’t talked to me at _all_ in the past week and we haven’t – or well, _he_ hasn’t done it to me in a while.”

“What happened? Start from the beginning.”

So Harry tells Louis, tells him how Liam was always avoiding the question of _why_ , how he’d never respond and even look slightly relived that Harry wouldn’t ask again. Harry tells him how it was going good – great – even, until Liam finally does speak about it and gives him a half truth, how _he just wanted to try, it’s no big deal, Haz_ and Harry knows that Liam was lying but doesn’t say anything, tells Louis that he thinks Liam might be done with him.

“The worst part was,” Harry says and he’s sniffling a little, suppressing in his tears. “I never even kissed him.”

“You idiots have been doing this for almost the whole of the American tour that’s –“ Louis counts it in his head before shoving Harry’s shoulder. “That’s like almost five months you idiot and you’ve never kissed? How?”

“I just – he just. I – “ Harry sighs defeated and puts his head in his hands.

“That’s it, Harry. This is why I told you to tell him all that while ago, you great tit. Go, go and tell Liam now or I will.”

“But – “ Harry tries to protest but Louis clamps his hands over Harry’s lips.

“No. Go, right now Haz.”

“But it’s four am!” Harry says through Louis’ fingers.

“Well then you get to be the first thing Liam wakes up to. I will have none of your moping, Styles.” Louis practically picks Harry up and shoves him out the door, for someone so small and light he really can lift some weight.

Harry sighs and finds himself walking down the hotel floor to Liam’s room, feet dragging against the carpeted floor.

He knocks.

Harry waits at the door for a little, and when no one answers, he knocks again, this time a little bit louder. He’s just about to walk back to his room when the door is opened by a sleepy Liam.

“Haz?” Liam says and his morning voice is about ten times lower than his actual speaking voice, it drags over the nickname slowly sending chills down Harry’s spine. He almost forgets why he’s here in the first place.

“Liam.” Harry says and he’s walking into the room, Liam having opened the door all the way for him.

“What’s up Harry?” Liam says between a yawn. He sat on the small chair in the room, glass of water in hand.

“Are we. . .good?” Harry asks, making hand gestures between himself and Liam.

“What do you mean?” Liam asks, drinking from his cup.

“I mean – the blow jobs, are we _okay_?” Harry emphasizes that last word.

“You mean is our friendship going to be affected by them? I don’t think so.” Liam replies and it’s cold and stiff, unlike Liam at all.

“No – that’s. Not what I meant.” Harry tries to say but is stopped by a curt nod from Liam.

“I get it, Harry. It was just a bit of fun between mates, right? I _understand_. I’d go down on you and it was fun while it lasted, so you’re glad it’s over because you don’t want things to be weird. I _get_ it. We’re going to be fine. _I’m_ going to be fine.” The way Liam says ‘I’m’ hits Harry in the chest, makes it burn like someone just poured hot water on him, where it’s so hot it feels _cold_ because that’s what Liam’s doing to him right now, burning him icy and cold to the touch and it’s too late before Harry realizes he’s been standing there a few feet away from Liam and hasn’t said a thing. He can’t get past the lump that’s formed in his throat and any words he had planned on saying are gone.

“I think you should leave, Harry.” Liam says as he walks back to his bed.

Against his better judgment, Harry listens to Liam and walks out of his room, closing the door behind him.

Harry makes it inside his hotel room and musters enough energy to close the door before he collapses onto the floor, crying.

-

“Harry, open up!” There’s banging on the door of Harry’s room and it wakes him up. He’s laying on the bed horizontally, half his body hanging on the ground.

“Go away,” He mumbles into his pillow, still sleeping. Harry blinks once before he remembers everything that happened last night, including the one-sided conversation with Liam. He pulls a pillow over his head and wonders what it would feel like if the earth swallowed him whole.

“Harry, I’m coming in, you cunt.” By the sound of the voice it’s Louis – because _who else_ would wake him up by screaming profanities at arse o’clock in the morning.

“Harry,” he can feel a hand on his shoulder shaking him and he rolls over.

“What happened, Haz?” Louis asks as he sits down next to Harry on the bed. He’s dressed and ready for the day, which makes Harry glance at the clock and realize that’s it’s almost ten o’clock.

“He. . .Liam.” And that’s all Harry has to say for Louis to know that it didn’t go well, that it went rather the exact opposite of how it was supposed to go.

“Tell me, Hazza.” Louis coos to him as he brushes away Harry’s hair from his forehead.

“He doesn’t like me. He made that really clear last night. Practically told me to get out of his face.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean to, Haz. Maybe Liam was just upset.”

“He’s upset alright,” Harry says, sitting up. “He’s upset with me and he thinks I was just using him to get myself off. He was so cold, Lou. So. . .not Liam-like. I think he hates me now.”

“Well, maybe you two are both insufferable idiots and are just confused? Have you ever thought of that?”

“Now’s not the time for jokes Lou. Liam probably thinks I’m some kind of whore now.”

“Are you sure? Maybe, he was just confused, is all. And he was scared that you went to his room at four am, maybe he’s actually really, really, _really,_ sorry.”

Harry gives Louis a quizzical look before recognition dawns on him. “You talked to Liam didn’t you Louis?”

“I had to Harry! You didn’t answer up this morning and when I when to go see him I may have accidentally let slip about your torch for him and. . .I’m sorry, Haz. Oops.”

Harry puts his head in his hands.

“He is sorry, you know,” Louis says as he rubs circles in Harry’s back. “He thought you were there to end it. And when I told him you weren’t he blushed like a little girl and he felt so bad, I think you should go talk to him, Hazza.”

“But – “

“No, c’mon, now. Go talk to Liam and this time if words fail you use actions.”

Harry isn’t quite sure what that means but he’s out of bed and out the door before he’s even put his shirt on.

He’s making his way down to Liam’s room again and when he reaches the door he knocks solemnly. Harry doesn’t even have to wait a beat before it’s answered by Liam, eyes a little red, and tackled into a hug.

It’s been a while since Liam’s hugged him like this, tight around his body and pressing so close together it’s like you can actually inhale the person. Harry closes his eyes and thinks only of Liam, thinks that _yes this is what I want,_ before Liam’s moving away rather awkwardly and pulling Harry inside.

“I’m sorry,” is the first thing Liam says and Harry can hear the actual guilt in his voice.

“No, Li. It’s – I’m sorry, too.”

They’ve both moved to the general area of Liam’s bed, with Harry sitting on that small chair near the tv.

“I wanted to practice,” Liam says as he takes a seat on his bed.

“What?” Harry asks.

“I wanted to practice. That’s why I wanted to suck you off. For practice.”

Harry ‘s going to hate himself but he _knows_ that he needs to ask it anyways. “Practice for what?”

Liam looks away from Harry and says, “Louis.”

Harry can feel his heart fall from his chest to his feet and wonders if walking into oncoming traffic would be less painful. “Oh.”

“It’s – it’s not like that anymore, Harry, I swear!” Liam’s all frantic now. “I mean, it was in the beginning. . .it was about Louis.”

Harry’s closed his eyes and keeps clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to force himself through sheer power of will not to cry, the reality that he was just some test subject fully sinking in, and adding up to the rest of this already horrible situation until he snapped.

“So I was just a test subject?” Harry says rather sharply and sees Liam flinch at his tone.

“Yes.” Liam admits and it’s enough to make Harry want to cry. Harry gets up and starts to leave – he really doesn’t need _this_ – until he feels Liam grab his wrist and spin him around.

Liam’s locked eyes on his and his gaze is unmoving. “You _were_ a test subject, Harry. _Were._ Because I started to like you more, and more, and instead of thinking when I’ll get the chance to be with Louis, I was thinking when I will get to be on my knees for you again, make you squirm and fall apart. And that’s what scared me.”

Harry takes a deep breath, but doesn’t move, still pinned to the wall by Liam. “I didn’t want to like you, Harry. I figured I could do this and get out without any repercussions but. . .I was wrong. I picked you because I know how could you are with sex and keeping your emotions under control and I thought it’s be easy to do it with someone who wouldn’t develop feelings.”

“You were wrong,” Harry mumbles.

“I was wrong.” Liam admits. “And when I stopped doing it to practice for Louis and started doing it because I _liked_ being on my knees for you, I knew there was no way I was going to escape. And when you kept asking me about the _why_ , I was getting so nervous because I didn’t want you to know that. I’m sorry, Harry. And. . .if you want – if it’s okay could we please, please go back to it? I mean, you don’t have to do anything but just lay there, I mean – I’ll just, I could just – “

And Harry hears Louis’ voice in his head, his reminder about ‘using his actions’ and grabs Liam’s face to shut him up.

“Liam,” Harry says and it’s slightly breathless, he’s got both hands on Liam’s face and their noses are brushing together. “Shut up.”

Harry moves forward and kisses Liam, presses his lips onto his friends’ and Liam gets the message rather clearly and starts kissing back. Harry flips them so Liam’s got his back against the wall; a hand running up and down Harry’s back leaving trails of fire. Harry opens Liam’s mouth and starts exploring, licking his way past Liam’s teeth until it’s just their tongues moving slowly, languidly, and Harry steps back, places his forehead against Liam’s and breathes him in deeply.

“I should have done _that_ four months ago,” Harry breathes against Liam’s face. “I should have.”

“And I should have told you when I started to love you,” Liam says back, slightly breathless and cheeks pink, like the first time he knocked on Harry’s door.

Harry closes his eyes and thinks _yes this is it_ , before smiling wide and kissing Liam again.

-

“Can you too _please_ stay off each other? They rest of us don’t have that sort of ‘luxury.’” Louis’ making air quotes around the last word while simultaneously stealing food from Niall’s chip bag. It’s quite a feat.

Harry sees Niall make a gagging noise and Zayn shove him in the shoulder. Louis’ gone back to playing around with Zayn’s hair and Niall’s trying to shove him off. He wonders when he decided for them to be his friends.

“You’re just jealous,” Harry says and pouts as he exchanges a glance with Liam. Liam’s looking at him with the biggest smile in the world and Harry intertwines their fingers.

“I like you better,” Liam whispers into Harry’s ear and it’s enough to make him blush. The fact that Liam liked Louis was a little hard on Harry, especially since Louis knew about Liam’s crush and things were awkward for awhile, but eventually died down when Harry and Liam admitted their feelings for each other.

“I love you better,” Harry says and it’s still a foreign taste on his mouth, to really say those words and actually mean them in every way and it’s nice – to share this. . .these _feelings_ with someone.

Liam leans his head on Harry’s shoulder and starts drawing patterns into the inside of Harry’s thigh.

“Let’s get out of here,” Harry whispers and Liam has to suppress a laugh.

They leave the room with eye rolls and cat calls and Louis saying, “Don’t stain the sheets!” before they head back to Liam’s room.

They walk in holding hands because Harry _can’t get enough of that_ and just lay side by side on the hotel sized bed cuddling. Harry’s spooning Liam from behind and it reminds him of a time that feels like a lifetime ago, when Liam was someone just out of his grasp and cuddling was the closest thing he’d ever get to. It’s _nice._

“I like this,” Liam says as he threads his fingers through Harry’s.

Harry smiles and says, “Yeah, I do too.”

He thinks _I love it_ and tightens his grip around Liam’s waist some more.


End file.
